why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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