Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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