My room smells like vodka and shame
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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