I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
