It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
