You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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