i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
