I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
