she woke up with a sticky ear
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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