I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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