You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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