I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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