I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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