i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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