Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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