it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
two words: eviction party
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
