Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
