oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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