I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
