while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
