This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
