Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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