i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
its liver damage thursday
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
