She went from zero to smokin in five shots
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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