I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize