I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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