apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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