this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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