Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
