come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
