Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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