I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
