is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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