In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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