the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
