My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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