Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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