i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
