I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
