Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
