I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
