I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
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his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
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It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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