i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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