i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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