I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
