I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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