my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Your penis caused this!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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