sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
