i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
