problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
