There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
