You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
