last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The beer is more important than you right now.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
