She is in my trunk
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
