If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
