I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Ladies don't puke and tell
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
