I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
im on a boat
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