And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
