i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
