I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
