My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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