I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish i was in the wii world.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
