marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
there's paper in my vomit.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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