Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
