therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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