my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
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