I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
