and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
