does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
