Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
