Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
