your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
is that a dick in a sweater?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
