I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
