Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
