just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
